I have found myself in a bit of a tug of war. Is it better to openly speak your mind or is it better to save face and keep your emotions somewhat low key? I know it feels safer to keep feelings hidden away and I know that nothing is gained if you just sit on your hands and ignore your gut feelings. But I am standing in this fork in the road, staring at two different road signs and having no clue as to where I am going. And no this isn’t just something that has crossed my mind. I am having troubles right now as to how to handle something that has been eating away at my mind. My biggest problem is that I have found my feelings are completely inconsequential. Emotions have always had trouble standing it’s ground when it comes to the bully of the schoolyard, logic. And logic says that my feelings are completely null and void. Speaking them will have no relevancy in the out come of my life. If I feel sad because my dog dies my tears won’t bring lassie home again. If I am angry about a parking ticket the judge won’t throw out the case on the grounds of pouting. Emotions mean nothing. But still we have them. So what is one to do? Would I feel a whole lot better if I just let it out? If I cried on a sympathetic shoulder? If threw around my furniture I a fit of rage? Is the only reason we have emotions is so we can feel better about ourselves by just letting it out when life seems shitty? Do I even want to feel good about myself right now?

So does one live on logic or emotion? Can you do both? I don’t have an answer for these questions right now.

And all I ask is that, for now, you forget you read this when talking to me because I will deny its existence. I do know that I don’t need to be pitied by anyone else right now. It will only add insult to injury.